Easter Thoughts

It's Easter - the resurrection of Jesus Christ. A time to meditate and question what you really believe in.

I might be called a skeptic. I stopped believing in a great and good God when my mother died. I could not understand at the moment, and still cannot understand, why she was not saved. My mother was a very good person, she was sweet, and tolerant, and always lived her life trying to make things better for the people around her. She was the best friend anyone could ever want, the best daughter, sister, wife, and of course, mother. Unfortunately, I haven't' really appreciated her for what she deserved, and this is my only regret in life up to now. And she was a very good doctor. She always placed herself last, and put her own needs and wants in a box, waiting there until she helped all others.

This is why I cannot understand why she had to die. Why do murderers, rapers, and other bad people live, while good people die? If there is a God, and if that God is good, why does He allow for this to happen?

I was talking to a friend of mine, who is quite religious, and told him I don't really believe in God. He told me... "But you have to believe in something!" Yes, I believe in humans. I believe in the power of men to change everything. Why do people have to believe in something supernatural, in an entity with such great power, that It can make and unmake the world? We live in the 21st century and science has already contradicted so many of the things the Bible states. So, why 99% of the people in this world still think we do not have the power to rule ourselves? Why do we still have wars led by religion? Are we so afraid of taking it all on us, that we have to blame a higher entity, be it God (or Allah, Buddha,...) or the Devil? Why do we NEED to believe in something? Why are there still people in this world who look at you as if you were the antichrist, if you tell them you are an atheist?

I said I was a skeptic. Maybe I am the worse kind. I don't know where I'm standing. On one hand, I think that the world is a result of particles interacting with each other, and men don't have an immortal soul and once they die, they become part of that particle movement. On the other hand, I sometimes believe there is a God, and I find myself praying. I do have a personal vendetta with divinity, because of the reasons I stated at the beginning. And I admit, christianity is not giving me the answers I am looking for. I will never agree with the statement "believe, do not search"; in my opinion, this is a way for the Church to control the masses. But, in the same time, real world and science are not providing all the answers either.

I am still searching. I hate being persuaded to adopt either of the two ways, but I'd rather accept the realistic, material philosophy, than the spiritual one. I am not trying to convince other people either. I think it's stupid for someone to try to persuade another on accepting his/her way of thinking. But my desire is to see people actually questioning what they are believing in, and not just accepting religion because this is the way, this is what they were told to by their families, or this is what the society is living by.